Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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