ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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