I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
