i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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