but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Welp...herpes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
