If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
