1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
