I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize