I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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