You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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