did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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