My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
