people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
