The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
