so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
