thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
