you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
