I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
