He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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