So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
