I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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