I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
