I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
