made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize