I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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