I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
