Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
