i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
