You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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