Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
