The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
