this just has baby written all over it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
