Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
