My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
