So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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