i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
