All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
