I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My vagina just recognized that song.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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