Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize