PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize