he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
