Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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