Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
