Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
