I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize