we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
