3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
