I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize