just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
