I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
