Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize