you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
