bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
