So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
