Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
