thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
