I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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