Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
