This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
