That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
