i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
