Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
