I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Randomize
