You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
