I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
