I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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