The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
