i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
