He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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